Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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