His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
