dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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