I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
