just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm really busy with my period
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