You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
