By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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