well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
