i need an iv and a liver transplant
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
