May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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