Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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