hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
