i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
