bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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