You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
