Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
