I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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