And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
