I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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