I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
