She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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