oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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