Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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