Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
