just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
