You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
