Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
porn star boner night. come get it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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