I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
