She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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