Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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