dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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