I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
