We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
