I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
