wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
