to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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