I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
