I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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