Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
