apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
