1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
