After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
