Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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