We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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