I didn't shave. On purpose
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
