I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
