Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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