i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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