i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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