He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
